Saturday, May 17, 2008
So many things I want to say, but somehow, it stays inside.
Today was the last event of TPSU AY 2007/ 08,
TPSU Sub Comm Appreciation Dinner, I missed my subcomm appreciation last year.
And this year, Im glad I played a part to organise it.
It was definitely difficult trying to find someone to order the foood because John and I are so scared to do it, haha!
Anyway, I am really pleased with everyone who attended, thank you so much for lasting till the very end.
Like what John said, we (excos) wouldnt survive if it wasnt for every single one of you.
We understand if many could not attend due to some reasons, we understand if you cannot be there to help for every event, because I understand that you too would have other things to deal with.
But still, thank you to every 181 of our sub comms who helped us out in any way or other.
Even helping us to spread the passion, or to accompany me to the toilet, it counts alot.
Thank you Sub Comms!!
Today, it would probably mark the last day I can step into the lounge, the sub comm area, the exco room.
To access to the photocopy machine,
to write on the white board,
to ahem shirts of past FO,
to help K take her black files,
to watch edwin open his finance cupboard,
to step into the store that GLENN, CHRISS AND GIDEON helped clean up to let 4 ppl sleep in,
to touch my exco file and wonder why on earth is it thicker than anyone else's? i didnt do shit.
to access the computer looking through my files at my PRES folder.
to look at hot tennis people playing tennis through the tiny window at the room
to access the pantry to a spider web infested area and to enjoy a cup of cold water without disgusting taste of the watercooler, we have our own cooler
to sit at the table that resembles the letter"U", united, universal, union
to read newspaper at sub comm area
to shout and scream at everyone who walked past me,
to walk into the lounge and make a face when that smell and the sight of a messy lounge hits me
to see familiar faces that i can count on whenever i need a smile
to sit at the table looking at 30 odd faces staring at me, giving me their full attention to what i am about to say
to close the pool table, clean the pool board, push in the red chairs and be the last to leave the lounge
how long have i not done all these, i dont know,
but i knw i am going to miss every single moment in the lounge.
I couldnt control but cry when I was giving out the certs to our subcomms,
because this is the end.
This year, hasnt really been kind on me.
Or rather, I havent been kind on myself.
Right from the start, i knew it would be a challenge, coping with everything
and weeks after the commencement of the term of service,
reality hit me hard in the face.
I know what i threw myself into,
i tried to be strong and stay with my decision,
I stayed up all night coping with homework and union work,
I had sleepless nights thinking how to bring union to greater heights.
I guess, I tried.
But trying wasnt enough.
we have come along way.
For whatever I have done to the committee and union, I apopogise for all the wrong doings.
Even though I have my own reasons behind everything I do, I know its hard to get everyone's understanding or to think along my line.
On the bus back, I was constantly thinking about who or what casued this,
And I finally decided that it was time i stopped blaming the ants and hamsters and that it was me,
I guess I can only blame myself for whatever that happened.
I loved union with all my heart, I would give everything I have in change for a seat in the committee.
And so I did, and now I understand wht ahlam alwasy say by its not the same as when you are in here.
I was too strong headed for the comments given to me
I was to blame for the bridges I have burnt down myself
I was too tactless and insensitive for whatever I have done
I placed friendship before everything, therefore, whatever that happened in the meeting room, affected me too much, even if i lied myself to sleep that night.
Probably, this was the reason why I feel this way today.
My love killed the only love I had.
See, I can only blame one person and thats me
and I understand perfectly if you do.
I know I have disappointed many more people than I could have known,
And that 600 odd people who voted might be doubting their decision they made a year ago.
But I know, that I could have given so much more, this is not all that I can give.
If I could, I would give it my all.
But it was because I couldnt cross that barrier I installed within me,
the barrier that made me wary of everyone ard me because I've seen or heard too much.
the barrier that made me refuse to realise the fact that there is no friendship but only business in the room.
This is all but how I felt since the beginning, that Union should be a place where everyone comes together, a place of love, one big family.
I was too naive, and so, as the days go by, I begin to be numb to whatever that happened and did only work
Guess, thats why it was pretty emotionless already, which was leading to nothingness.
But at the end of the day, I left the room knowing that I have learnt many lessons in life.
It has indeed been a fulfilling and wonderful experience for me this AY
with the many capable and wonderful excos, who coped with working with a diff person likeme
with the numeroous subcomms who would give anything they could for union.
I know that no amount of tears can express the regrets I feel,
no amount of thank you can express the gratitude I feel,
no amount of words can express how I feel
But I know the one fact is that given a chance again, I would not make this mistake.
I would choose what my heart tells me, not the head.
Maybe what KS said in the sms I read was right, I was too hypocritical to go ahead with my decision despite knowing what would happen, i guess i shouldnt have?
Union is probably the place I lost my voice the most number of times
Union is probably the place people call me FAT the most number of times
Union is probably the place I played pool the most number of times
Union is probably the place I've seen that many people coming together to cry
Union is probably the place where I saw that many guys cry, haha, GLENN!
Union is probably the place I've learnt that many lessons of life
Union is probably the place I've met the people who'll stay with me for life
Union is probably the place that lifted those curtains that shield my eyes
Union is probably the place I've felt that mix of emotions, anticipation, love, sadness, accomplishment, achievement and belongingness
Union is probably the place I've made a name for myself (good and bad?)
Union is probably the place I made so many friends
Union is probably the place I will remeber for the rest of my life
Union is probably the place that I cried the most number of times
Union is probably the place I meet the best people in Temasek Polytechnic.
Many a times, things that happen in this place will affect me.
But like what she says, knowing that feeling emotional about things, meant that I still feel for the place.
I still do, but I know that if I was more professional with dealing with things, I would be a better president, a better committee member, a better person.
Like how upset I was when someone mentioned about my absence from Week0, but telling me how that person understands after reading the article and hearing of my win, Ireally had no choice because there was a swap just one week before the competition.
Like how upset when she told me abt her selective hearing, I know why i sneezed that many times everyday.
Like how upset after reading KS' msg.
Like how upset I was after everything..
I know its becasue all these were nothing but mere feelings.
Above and beyond, I am both relieved and glad to hear that someone whom i respect so much, commentins that it was a good start and end. even though i hadnt given the all i could, I know. but still, thank you.
Im not too sure if any of you reading this would feel angry or anything, but this is something i have kept in for a very long time. so thank you for understanding why i had to let it out. and im not sure if you've misunderstood me, i still love union very much, and i guess i've seen the ugly sides of things. but still, i really love the place alot. especially the people. they have led me to many wonderful beginnings and experiences, like zilra.
thank you glenn, sarah, yuting, maybelin, john, ger, von, hakim, farhan, tat, edwin, jingwen, kahyuen, luffy, weng, ron, shawn, gibson, farah, ella, em, clad, zain, eugene, jacq, dionne, amanda, ashley, amos, issac, dorothy, jessy, joan, benchow, alvin ting, clifton, sufong, ben cheng, xiu hui, elene, sunny, grace, denise, jacintha, sean, kc, brandon, honglin, jesselyn, neoneo, vivian, joker, gerald, hanlin, shep, not forgetting, derek, kay, shaz, fang and eric and everyone else.
last, i love everyone from TPSU and thank you TP for creating this wonderful palce called TPSU.
i love TPSU.
I have struggled long and hard enough to decide when and whether I should post something like this, I hope that whatever I've said would not stimulate any negative feedbacks. If I did, Im sorry. I really hope you'll understand that this would be the closing of my entire life in TPSU, and it is purely how I feel after these 2 years. Ilovetpsu.
11:11 AM
I love vintage & rouge-.
30
