Sunday, March 16, 2008
The TV sits on the floor of the dining room while we eat dinner. Henry refuses to answer any questions about it, and makes a point of teasing me by asking what I would do if I had a huge studio.
"What does it matter? I have a closet. Maybe I'll take up origami."
"Come on, seriously."
"I don't know." I twirl the linguine onto my fork. "I would make every maquette one hundred times bigger. I'd draw on ten-fot-by-ten-foot pieces of cotton rag paper. I would wear roller skates to get from one end to the other. I'd set up huge vats, and a Japanese drying system, and a ten pound Reina beater..."
I'm captivated by my mental image of this imaginary studio, but then I remembered my real studio, and I shrug. "Oh well, maybe someday."
"Oh well, maybe someday."
This sentence lingers in my head for a second or two,
as I read on, it keeps on coming back.
I check my watch, I've been reading for half an hour or so,
and this part of the story keeps coming back to my mind.
I know why, I clearly knows why.
Someday, I will walk out of the cage melted by those thick iron and brass
Like a colourful tropical yet exotic bird, captured inside.
The alluring grace emitted with every pose, every limb that moved.
I will fold cranes and hang them on the ceiling all around my room,
red, blue, fuschia, pink, black, white, and a bir red one in the middle.
And I'll stick cellophone paper on the windows,
with different shapes and sizes cutted out,
allowing the sunlight to penetrate through the blue cellophhine paper,
casting a blue shadow on the walls of the room.
Its beautiful.
Someday, I will expand my horizon to the world.
Making my voice heard, or letting my masterpieces speak for themselves.
No eleborate decoration and expensive chinaware, nothing.
Just simplicity, gestures of sincerity and passion and warmth.
I will make them feel all of this at once, and yearning for more at the next visit.
They say, "Action speaks louder than words.."
Its true.
Someday, I will stop procrastinating and get this lazy assdown to work
Dusts off the dirt formed after 18 years of fun, pleasure and plain laziness.
I will force my way to achieve the best,
to prove to the world that I am neither stupid nor am I a procrastinator.
I will fight against all odds to emerge the best that I can be, in my own eyes.
I will stop beating myself up inside and think that, "Come on, you could have done better!"
Because I want to beat "better" and be the best that I can see in myself.
I know, I should have done it many years back, but, its never too late to start.
I will achieve it, and even if like what Straits Times' Headline news say about entry to Unis..
"Outstanding Is Only Average"
I know, I have beaten myself and that is where we all should start from.
Someday, I will stop thinking about these nonsensical things that leaves me sleepless, paranoid and affected.
I will live my life, for myself, for my family, for my god family, for my baby, for my friends and for myself.
I know many would say that I'm selfish, I am ony human, I know where I stand and I want to remain here, safe from the world before its too late.
I know myself better than any of you, I folow the heart one too many times and it may not be the way this works. But before its settled that its the way the law goes, let me follow my heart once more.
I know what makes me happiest, without all these problems and responsibilities. And all I want is to leave a happy ending, before its all too late.
I know I am willing to accept whatever that have been thrown to me, because I know I havent given the all I thought I could, I havent received the all I thought I could, I havent.
Before its too late, I will walk away.
Someday, I will have a heart made of stone, it will be harder so I dont feel the slightest things that may make me feel.
I will stop and reject any negative feelings that may come across myself or anything.
I will not react the way that I used to do, avoiding all these trouble, anything negative.
I will think positive thoughts and block out any signs of pessimisim (no such wordplease.. )
I will be happy.
Wouldn't it be nice?
Now, I have a super bad craving for MAHJONG cause jessybessy extended an invitation and i cant make it tmr!!!
and I HAVE THIS SUPER DUPER DUPER DUPER DUPER BAD CRAVING FOR THIS CADBURY EGGS THING!!
Was on the bus, sitting on the 3seater seats just behind the driver.
Due to the lack of time and poor time management,
I had not included my ipod and storybook into my bag.
that leaves me with nothing but my vision and my wandering mind.
And the only object that interests me was the Ez Link machine
God, you cannot imagine the amount of money people adds into their ezlink card.
$50.96, $9.27, $28.12, $68.01 and the pathetic, $0.79
it proves how much Singaporeans spend on transportation,
this increase in the disposable income is not due to overwhelming shopping expenses,
its about transporattion and everything else.
And the evil me came to take over as I was constantly eyeing that $68.01 woman
how much things I could with her ezlink card, tsktsk.
Until I realised I was on 27 and she was gg to the high security (maybe higher now since MAS SELAMAT is on the run) Changi Airport.
ohhhhlaa, so I alighted and waited for another mundane day at school...
I need a break, long one?
I need money, fast.
I realise there are so many things you can do and you can do for others with money.
zzomg,and this work experience thing is so gonna help me
and i ought to start now.
if only I had a suitable place, like reputable, not stinky ***Z.
*HINTS BIG TIME TO KRISSY AND TMNT*
either one place would do.
oh well, another borrring monday in schhol with meetings and what not...
alalalalalala.
im glad von and i met up today, loves the girl!
oh, lastly,
I FKING HATE PEOPLE WHO ASSUMES THAT THEY KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT THE WORLD AND THE PEOPLE AND THEY YAKE LIKE THEY ARE SOME ROBOT WITH SUPERB MEMORY WITH REGARDS TO THE PERSON'S LIFE.
COMEON, SHUT UP ALREADY.
ARGGGHH.
Quote: Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
9:34 AM
I love vintage & rouge-.
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