Friday, March 07, 2008
Anoter chapter, one after another, it slowly comes to an end.
Freedom and anxiety slowly, silently, creeping into me.
It has come to an end.
Like Sandy, I hate losing things.
In fact, I hate losing.
Like Sandy, I looked cool and calm.
In fact, a million thoughs, billion visions surface.
Like Sandy, I suffer from sleepless nights, thinking about the missing.
In fact, I think about the lost and the irony of having something good to replace the bad we've lost. So ironic, I could laugh out loud to myself.
At night, I cramp up, my lips, my eyes, my sockets, my mind, my head, my fists, my limbs, my entire body.
I lay awake, thinking about the 'lost' and 'found', the stories, new memories.
As I close this book, I shivered.
My life, my mind, my time, all devoted to this book.
This little black book, "A place called Here".
Full of secrets and lies, tears and joy, fantasies and reality.
Like the book, I laid there beaten.
Like a bird that once soared now liedefeated on the ground, a broken wing stopping his flight, many more borken parts.
The few attempts to address these issues, the more still I laid.
Choosing to ignore, to overlook, to divert everyone's attention away from Sandy's flaws, away from my flaws.
Sandy ran, I ran.
Like Sandy, I came back, I come back all the time.
Giving myself one more chance, giving this one more chance, seeking one more chance from the ones I loved.
Because I loved and fell and loved again.
Everything is swaying, like how a criminal in New York during the Think-Positive campaign which helped lower the crime rates.
Blood splashed over the crime scene, the knife slit across the thin blood vessel of the victim.
Or to watch him walk home, without harm, in that dark and creepy alley to be greeted by the aroma of the roasted chicken, mashed potatoes and sauteed eggplants.
And him, making his exit, either with a smirk of content or shunder at his sudden change in behaviour.
I make choices.
After running for such a long time, feeling all pumped up, adrenaline rushing to my head.
Thump, thump, thump.
I'm found, I found what I had been looking for.
Just like Sandy, she found Jenny-May.
And I hope, the next person will find what he or she has been looking for, and be found.
A Place Called Here, Cecelia Ahern
9:37 AM
I love vintage & rouge-.
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