Monday, March 24, 2008
hello to myself
haven't been feeling pretty good these days.
the late nights and the bad weather.
i gave OTC Refresh 2 a miss today.
I feel so bad I hated myself for falling ill.
was a bit feverish the night before already, after meeting von and the girls.
took a cab home from sengkang, so dumb.
still felt nausea and constipated and bloated by.. nothing
because i had nothing the day before.
and now, worrying about so many things.
retreat, applications for cca awards and all, refresh, penang, dnd speech,
TDT training and my comittement problems since its FO week.
im dying by the time i finished sending all those emails.
pissed at myself for the committement level,
and i realise, i am going to put a stop to this all, next year.
come on kim, one to two more months.
i guess its just the exhaustion and how this illness is draining my energy and attention span.
i cant even believe i sent all those emails in perfect english and this post.
but i just needed to blog.
to let it gooooooooo.
to Mr B, please do take care of that virus inside you.
we are so meant to be together, falling ill, looking like crap, pale faced ghosts.
i love you.
to Von, Elene and XH,
i cannot express my gratitude to all your work and committement to refresh 2
thank you so much.
i hope the little i did could help you girls a tiny weent little bit.
to TDT,
im sorry wasnt there today.
to loners,
sorry i wasnt there too
okay, blurry vision already.
medicine in charge, taking over
goodnight
10:58 AM
I love vintage & rouge-.
30
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Empty Promises
"Why do you seem to be in so much pain?"I didn't know what mummy said could affect me so much.
Probably because it's true.
And the fact that I have been hiding from it makes me feel even worst inside.
I don't even feel anything anymore.
12:05 AM
I love vintage & rouge-.
30
Friday, March 21, 2008
Im feeeling grumpy all day.
They had to go all the way to Katong for family lunch today.
Nearly an hour's ride, didnt help with a sore body.
Thought I could spend the PH differently, but no,
I was wrong.
I am always wrong, because I assume.
Should have freakkin worked because staying home is a waste of time.
Thinking it would be a nice day, but no,
I was wrong.
I am always wrong, because I assume.
...
Ah, better stop before legs start kicking around and starts the blame pushing game again.
Indeed, a bad day.
Sorry am not game for the play today, loners!
Hope to see you all on Mon!
With Love,
4:59 AM
I love vintage & rouge-.
30
Thursday, March 20, 2008
You know, its so ironic.
When I click on sgtrades and blah blah blah.
You see these people trying to sell all the used clothes and stuff.
Prices ranging from, 20 to at most 50..
You think, its steep?
And then I click on someone's lj.
Friends commenting whether they should get the brown, black, blue AA hoodie or all of it?
Flying to NY today, next week, London, Art fest and what not.
And not one, but dozen of Balenciaga bags, only because the bf likes a prticular colour.
Doctor boyfriend.
Getting into Stamford like nobody's business, talking about the fees and grades.
Not that I'm complaining, but life isnt fair.
Or, is it?
10:58 AM
I love vintage & rouge-.
30
I shouldn't be alive.
Notorious and freedom.
The paradox of life, I heard that phrase a million times all night during dinner the other day
As Mr and Mrs M. yaked on about paradox of Larry's life
Whoever this larry was, I gave no shit about it.
All I wanted was to end this whole dinner and get my pay.
Oh well, the attempt to walk back from Roseburn Road to Poh Huat Road was unsuccessful.
We only made it to erm, ubi road?
but its pretty far already!
Saved on the midnight charges.
I have never smelled anything as bad as this,
it smells like rotten eggs with bananas and everything bad.
something like bananafleas, teehee.
I have never heard anything as loud as this,
it sound as if there were 5 speakers blasting from beneath.
I have never seen anything as complex,
black, brown, soft and hard.
hahahah, guess what im talking about?
food poisoning la.
I made ermmm, preserved mussels with scallops and shitake mushrooms.
Dont ask me what the hell I'm doing la,
But I just did.
and the whole bottle of parsley flakes are not secured with the cover and it happily garnished my pasta dish
I think it was the sweat as well.
Ah, whatever la, anyhow anyhow get it somehow!
okay, the long long talk was well deserved,
after keeping it in for such a long time.
I'm feeling much better.
soem things are not meant to be heard from you, so dont speak
seriously, life is just unfair.
Like what I said few posts back,
sometimes, all we need is a change. for someone with no politically correct answers and
for someone who will reply with how they really feel.
i guess, we both metthat person last night?
and it felt great.
but this epitome of bliss and satisfactory soon diminishes
as we both fall back into relaity where i had to go back to where i was
and so did you.
btu at least, we know and recognise that feeling of similarity once again.
thanks sock.
after much deliberation, i figured.
everything in life is balanced out.
by how i described everything last night,
it seems fair to pass that judgement,
more or less, its not a judgement anymore
because its the truth already.
All the things not fulfilled, let me embark on these journeys now.
sometimes, all we need is to experience death once
so as to treasure what we missed ystd.
yeah yeah, shut up kim
8:51 AM
I love vintage & rouge-.
30
Sunday, March 16, 2008
The TV sits on the floor of the dining room while we eat dinner. Henry refuses to answer any questions about it, and makes a point of teasing me by asking what I would do if I had a huge studio.
"What does it matter? I have a closet. Maybe I'll take up origami."
"Come on, seriously."
"I don't know." I twirl the linguine onto my fork. "I would make every maquette one hundred times bigger. I'd draw on ten-fot-by-ten-foot pieces of cotton rag paper. I would wear roller skates to get from one end to the other. I'd set up huge vats, and a Japanese drying system, and a ten pound Reina beater..."
I'm captivated by my mental image of this imaginary studio, but then I remembered my real studio, and I shrug. "Oh well, maybe someday."
"Oh well, maybe someday."
This sentence lingers in my head for a second or two,
as I read on, it keeps on coming back.
I check my watch, I've been reading for half an hour or so,
and this part of the story keeps coming back to my mind.
I know why, I clearly knows why.
Someday, I will walk out of the cage melted by those thick iron and brass
Like a colourful tropical yet exotic bird, captured inside.
The alluring grace emitted with every pose, every limb that moved.
I will fold cranes and hang them on the ceiling all around my room,
red, blue, fuschia, pink, black, white, and a bir red one in the middle.
And I'll stick cellophone paper on the windows,
with different shapes and sizes cutted out,
allowing the sunlight to penetrate through the blue cellophhine paper,
casting a blue shadow on the walls of the room.
Its beautiful.
Someday, I will expand my horizon to the world.
Making my voice heard, or letting my masterpieces speak for themselves.
No eleborate decoration and expensive chinaware, nothing.
Just simplicity, gestures of sincerity and passion and warmth.
I will make them feel all of this at once, and yearning for more at the next visit.
They say, "Action speaks louder than words.."
Its true.
Someday, I will stop procrastinating and get this lazy assdown to work
Dusts off the dirt formed after 18 years of fun, pleasure and plain laziness.
I will force my way to achieve the best,
to prove to the world that I am neither stupid nor am I a procrastinator.
I will fight against all odds to emerge the best that I can be, in my own eyes.
I will stop beating myself up inside and think that, "Come on, you could have done better!"
Because I want to beat "better" and be the best that I can see in myself.
I know, I should have done it many years back, but, its never too late to start.
I will achieve it, and even if like what Straits Times' Headline news say about entry to Unis..
"Outstanding Is Only Average"
I know, I have beaten myself and that is where we all should start from.
Someday, I will stop thinking about these nonsensical things that leaves me sleepless, paranoid and affected.
I will live my life, for myself, for my family, for my god family, for my baby, for my friends and for myself.
I know many would say that I'm selfish, I am ony human, I know where I stand and I want to remain here, safe from the world before its too late.
I know myself better than any of you, I folow the heart one too many times and it may not be the way this works. But before its settled that its the way the law goes, let me follow my heart once more.
I know what makes me happiest, without all these problems and responsibilities. And all I want is to leave a happy ending, before its all too late.
I know I am willing to accept whatever that have been thrown to me, because I know I havent given the all I thought I could, I havent received the all I thought I could, I havent.
Before its too late, I will walk away.
Someday, I will have a heart made of stone, it will be harder so I dont feel the slightest things that may make me feel.
I will stop and reject any negative feelings that may come across myself or anything.
I will not react the way that I used to do, avoiding all these trouble, anything negative.
I will think positive thoughts and block out any signs of pessimisim (no such wordplease.. )
I will be happy.
Wouldn't it be nice?
Now, I have a super bad craving for MAHJONG cause jessybessy extended an invitation and i cant make it tmr!!!
and I HAVE THIS SUPER DUPER DUPER DUPER DUPER BAD CRAVING FOR THIS CADBURY EGGS THING!!
Was on the bus, sitting on the 3seater seats just behind the driver.
Due to the lack of time and poor time management,
I had not included my ipod and storybook into my bag.
that leaves me with nothing but my vision and my wandering mind.
And the only object that interests me was the Ez Link machine
God, you cannot imagine the amount of money people adds into their ezlink card.
$50.96, $9.27, $28.12, $68.01 and the pathetic, $0.79
it proves how much Singaporeans spend on transportation,
this increase in the disposable income is not due to overwhelming shopping expenses,
its about transporattion and everything else.
And the evil me came to take over as I was constantly eyeing that $68.01 woman
how much things I could with her ezlink card, tsktsk.
Until I realised I was on 27 and she was gg to the high security (maybe higher now since MAS SELAMAT is on the run) Changi Airport.
ohhhhlaa, so I alighted and waited for another mundane day at school...
I need a break, long one?
I need money, fast.
I realise there are so many things you can do and you can do for others with money.
zzomg,and this work experience thing is so gonna help me
and i ought to start now.
if only I had a suitable place, like reputable, not stinky ***Z.
*HINTS BIG TIME TO KRISSY AND TMNT*
either one place would do.
oh well, another borrring monday in schhol with meetings and what not...
alalalalalala.
im glad von and i met up today, loves the girl!
oh, lastly,
I FKING HATE PEOPLE WHO ASSUMES THAT THEY KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT THE WORLD AND THE PEOPLE AND THEY YAKE LIKE THEY ARE SOME ROBOT WITH SUPERB MEMORY WITH REGARDS TO THE PERSON'S LIFE.
COMEON, SHUT UP ALREADY.
ARGGGHH.
Quote: Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
9:34 AM
I love vintage & rouge-.
30
Monday, March 10, 2008
Hello, first shoutout to Glenn for sending me a msg at work
assuring that he is my BBF forever.
BESTBUDSFOREVER because he will be there (:
HOORAY!
sorry couldnt go cheers with you :(
i go there 5 times, back and forth, with you again k?HAHA
second shout out to kahyuen for attending WRKSHOP just to see poweranger.
HAHAHA, NOT!
i bet you enjoyed yrself right!
i want my dvd soon!! hahahahahahahhaah
but still ,thanks for making it even though it was so last min
and morning callsssssss (twice leh, so ncie)
and tuna sandwich
and being there (:
i love fingers!
third shoutout to TPVC, especially Serena! as well as Sarah, Yvonne, Zain and Gibson.
Im sure 6 of us are glad no one else came cause we would ahve to share the cameras and
the timing wouldnt have allowed for that (:
So yeah, private tuition leh... you think everyday can?
we did great, hope there would be advanced soon!!!
AHAHAHHAHAH!
love SU and VC, forever!
fourth to TAN SOCK NENG who is feeling a bit blue today.
heck mother nature for granting us women with pms.
its okay, things will turn out fine soon!
dont stop loving yourself okay!
fifth to TDTeam,
hello, we had fun today.
today must be the day i shouted 'pohsuan' in a disgusting voice, as disgusting as theperson, for the most number of times.
today must be the day perlynn was my host twice
todaymust be the day i am finally the host
today must be the day pohsuan was the hose the most no. of times
today must be the day krissy used a double handle
today must be the day daniel chia realised sock's double handle has a powerful small blade
today must be the day we realise french, spanish and italian is like...
!@#$%^&
today must be the day i served Naswara Borolo and Waipara West, Pinot Noir 2004, twice each
today must be the day we poured real white wine into glasses and pour them away without even drinking
today must be the day mr sim called pohsuan 'power' for the first time
today must be the day krissy shot kimberly the 'you are so bimbotic' look for the first time
today must be the day i found out i like my buttons to stick out, like golden ones?
today must be the day i finally get to have my 805 black pepper pork, NOT NICE LER.
today must be the day sock had the most amazing tasting Iced Lemon Tea ever. HAHA
today must be the day i woke up the earliest, with 4 morning calls, NONE FROM TMNT HUH?
today must be the day nic finally feel it might be alright to let me wrk at somewhere starts with "I" better than a new place like "A.." HAHA
& today must be the day daniel chia felt most awkward with us, HAHA! its okay ler, we dont bite.
hahaha, today is a very high day.
oh, pay mummy $210 back asap!!!
k bye!
-
JUST AS I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE AN INTERESTING POST,
A HAPPY ONE..
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED...
YOU THINK YOU KNOW ALOT ABOUT ME?
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN TALK ABOUT ME?
YAKE AND YAKE AND YAKE AND YAKE
GIVE THEM A BREAK, GIVE ME A BREAK
ENOUGH. SHUT THE F UP WILL YOU?
MY LOVED ONES KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT ME,
AND THAT SHALLL COME FROM ME, NOT YOU.
GET YOUR FACTS RIGHT FIRST.
THANKS!
11:08 AM
I love vintage & rouge-.
30
Sunday, March 09, 2008
hello.
sometimes, all i need is an LJ to lock all my journals and entries.
so i can say whatever i want and never look back, only to reflect.
sometimes, i have so many things to say
just before i forget them all.
sometimes, i need someone to be there as a friend.
but there can be so many variations of friends.
friends who are there to tell you its okay
friends who are there to let you know you were on their mind
friends who flare up at you when you make the silliest mistakes.
but sometimes, all i need is a friend who will take away that identity and
listen to me like a real friend.
someone i can share my darkest secrets with,
someone i can trust and knowing things will not leak out
someone i can really pour and vomit my thoughts and beliefs and everything to.
someone i can not receive ten year series answers from
someone i can believe does not put on a font in front of me
someone i can let them know this friend of ours is irritating me without worrying
someone i can enturst the jealousy i have for the things in life
please, just bless me with one such friend.
one would be enough.
9:22 AM
I love vintage & rouge-.
30
hello!
yeasterday was great, had fun serving with sock!
well, it was challenging without anoyone to tell you what to do.
but we mananged!
alot alot of important but we dont know guests.
and I finally saw Mr Mahbubani,
I thought he would be mean and tall and terrorizing.
but no, he was pretty small, rather deaf at times. HAHA
i have to repeat like 5 times, with the last nearly shouting.
HAHA, intimidating but adorable lar.
I must say, Sock and I did a great job coordinating amongst ourselves.
our likes and dislikes balances out evenly.
like i would prefer pouring wine and she prefered settling the important stuff like kitchen blah.
I havent had a partner like that for a damnlong time since
Ritz keeps on chasing nice employees away.
Oh, son was cute, RIGHT SOCK??
We treated ourselves to some good drinks after session.
Yeah, this is probably the best paying job ever.
oh well.
Looking through the messages for the past 6 months.
Some made me laugh, some make me smile,
Some made me think, some made me frown.
And the message where you asked the question,
the times when we missed each other like crazy.
I entered the calender,
hand blocking the rays from my eyes.
Click my way down, when I open my eyes,
exactly at 19th December 2008.
And you called, my eyes started welling up, I gave in.
"Lets not fight anymore?"
With a weak and surrendered tone,
I murmured, "Okay, I love you"
its what you do to me.
7:32 AM
I love vintage & rouge-.
30
Friday, March 07, 2008
Anoter chapter, one after another, it slowly comes to an end.
Freedom and anxiety slowly, silently, creeping into me.
It has come to an end.
Like Sandy, I hate losing things.
In fact, I hate losing.
Like Sandy, I looked cool and calm.
In fact, a million thoughs, billion visions surface.
Like Sandy, I suffer from sleepless nights, thinking about the missing.
In fact, I think about the lost and the irony of having something good to replace the bad we've lost. So ironic, I could laugh out loud to myself.
At night, I cramp up, my lips, my eyes, my sockets, my mind, my head, my fists, my limbs, my entire body.
I lay awake, thinking about the 'lost' and 'found', the stories, new memories.
As I close this book, I shivered.
My life, my mind, my time, all devoted to this book.
This little black book, "A place called Here".
Full of secrets and lies, tears and joy, fantasies and reality.
Like the book, I laid there beaten.
Like a bird that once soared now liedefeated on the ground, a broken wing stopping his flight, many more borken parts.
The few attempts to address these issues, the more still I laid.
Choosing to ignore, to overlook, to divert everyone's attention away from Sandy's flaws, away from my flaws.
Sandy ran, I ran.
Like Sandy, I came back, I come back all the time.
Giving myself one more chance, giving this one more chance, seeking one more chance from the ones I loved.
Because I loved and fell and loved again.
Everything is swaying, like how a criminal in New York during the Think-Positive campaign which helped lower the crime rates.
Blood splashed over the crime scene, the knife slit across the thin blood vessel of the victim.
Or to watch him walk home, without harm, in that dark and creepy alley to be greeted by the aroma of the roasted chicken, mashed potatoes and sauteed eggplants.
And him, making his exit, either with a smirk of content or shunder at his sudden change in behaviour.
I make choices.
After running for such a long time, feeling all pumped up, adrenaline rushing to my head.
Thump, thump, thump.
I'm found, I found what I had been looking for.
Just like Sandy, she found Jenny-May.
And I hope, the next person will find what he or she has been looking for, and be found.
A Place Called Here, Cecelia Ahern
9:37 AM
I love vintage & rouge-.
30
HELLO No. 364!
Supposed to work with ahsock on thursday
but it turns out to be briefing only
Mrs Mahbubani was really nice,
50bucks for 2 and a half hrs of listening to her talk.
we are not bad huh?
Better do a good job tmr,
and will prob get MORE!!
oh well, we tried to call on onelove for a gathering,
since we had the permission to reach home at like.. 1?
hahaha
but it turns out the rest of the loves were dead tired or had plans
so the both of us went to grapevine
it was quiet, until i spilt hoegaarden on ahsock.
SO SORRY. grapevine should stop assuming thier guests had short legs and push the cushion further away from the taable ler.
was really really quiet until sock unlocked that gate
and we started to talk and i poured my heart out,
for the very first time.
things i havenot let anyone else know. roar.
thank you sock.
walked to like kovan and realised Mas Selamat might be lurking around.
so we took a cab so uncle will turn into the dark alley without us walking in. HAHA!
home, waited, read, slept.
eyes were really puffy this morning when i woke up.
like swollen and red, looked like a freakkin goldfish.
so had to give mtg and tca a miss.
so sorryy people!
Went to Brewerks the other day,
met up with some old friends and met new ones,
things turned out okay.
im glad everyone is back to almost-normal.
life still goes on aye.
kim, we'llwait for you the next time after yr exams!
and terence, justin and kim, its mahjong time!
9:28 AM
I love vintage & rouge-.
30
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
HELLO.
roar.
my
parents
are
sick.
Not
1
but
2,
both
i
mean
my
blog
is
so
boring
i
want
to
change
to
lj
i
want
alot
of
money,
and
it
doesnt
seem
like
im
alone
so
i
want
to
become
money
in
my
next
life
so
i
can
feel
wanted
but
money
is
the
root
of
all
evils
(that came out for my Olvl oral please)
so
shut
up
and
talk
properly
1)I love boyfriend!
I realise it was ermm.. our first leap year together, yippee, one bonus day spent tgthr at KL whining at my endless shopping spress and long hours in changing room
argh. doesnt sound romantic at all pls.
2) Don't ask me why I went there again, its like this tiny habit I cannot kick.
Have you ever wondered,
whether you control your life,
or does time really controls you?
Look, we wake up at 7, puts on the dead uniform and goes to school.
bell rings, change class, bell rings, end school.
alarm rings, head for school.
its like dead, so dead.
Dont deny, time controls you.
I'm done.
I'm sick of it,
I'm glad.
No more.
9:36 AM
I love vintage & rouge-.
30
Saturday, March 01, 2008
hello to the world,
something is fiuckking wrong with my laptop
becuase every letter i type, my whole screen shakes.
zzomg, scares the shit outta me.
stay healthy lappy!
ALRIGHT!!
IM BACK FROM GENT-BORRRR-INGG!!
nah, nothing much to do for two lovestruck teenagers,
accompanied by the maiden's parents.
who were like the legendary du wang and du hou.
we got a taste of it when we arrive at 4 am with no hotel room
parents already at casino at 4 am!!
and no good night's rest and we had to like drift from Highlands to First World and back 5 times
until it was 12 pm,check in time.
only to figure out that our rooms were not ready and it would be at like 2.
almost 10 hours after we offically checked in.
nic was frekkin pissedd.
some shopping around.
freakking genting should do some upgrading seriously.
there was only a 'new' mango outlet,
its like a outler for them to dump sale but nobody want items.
lala, marrybrown was bad.
nic's RM 15 wanton noodles taste fantastic.
but somebody caught a cold, so it probably tasted like rubberbands to him.
first night was great.
Day 2 was KL!
and we went to MegaMall!
its damn big, with all the nice shops.
i swear i spent like 1 hr at topshop saving my parents from spending money at the casino and
in my wardrobe.
YES, i did it. hahahahaah.
labels: high maintenance.
they had HK Kim Gary there, great food.
and mum was darn cute,
"Nic, if you and Kim open a restaurant in future,
you can call it Kim Nic too!"
i was screaming inside,
"YEAH, LIKE REAL. SOMEONE WANNA CALL HIS RESTUARANT
nicky's"
duh-ho.
dinner at sock's recommendation place.
shuning, their standards deteradte ler.
is not nice anymore!! :(
but shujiaos are delicious.
midnight shopping with the boyfriend.
zomg, only ONE polo tee in 2 days.
shopping with him is a pain in the ***
but, its okay. because he claims he's SPECIAL.
HE DEMANDS HIGH STANDARDS.
okay, fine
i'll get you tshirts for every occasion,
lets see if you 'll wear them!
day threeee,
lunch at hainan place.
escalope was pronounced escalope, not lo-pe.
someone laughed at me.
and the legends abadon bfandi with the bags and luggages and went for like.... an hour of donation session to the already rich genting casino.
we settle for like the 500,000,000th starbucks we saw at that place and talked.
well, these past few days were quality time spent with my loved ones.
have never done so for donkey years.
on top of the assingments and late meetings.
i finally realise whats most important to me.
a meal with them, listening to the stories and everything.
life is great.
on alighter ntoe, i miss my friends.
its the hols, date me!
can you see that?
No?
DATE ME!thanks (:
cher liang, you dont like stripe shirts right?haiyoh, this shirt is stripy leh.
12:15 PM
I love vintage & rouge-.
30
