Monday, December 31, 2007
As the new year slowly creeps up to me from behind, holding the champagne glass, I could hardly believe my eyes, the big and eleborated words plastered on the television screen, "2008!"
It is the new year once again, and sadly, I feel no joy, no excitement, nothing..
Trying to recall what was the date today, 31st December 2007. The last day of the year, yet, I still could not feel a thing about the fact that 2007 is coming to an end, and I am moving on into a brand new year.
This could be a new year where I could learn from my mistakes, a time where I can learn how to love, a time where I learn how to cherish, a time where I learn how to focus and achieve what I really want in my life. But no..
There was nothing, no sense of remorse for the mean things I have said, for the sorrys I should have told, for being just so insensitive of me, for that past year. I felt nothing.
I shunder at the fact of how I have lose focus in life, where I pass a day at a time, with no aim nor motivation. Where I procrastinate and leave the job hanging. This is not me, and I refuse to accept the fact that this is me.
Looking back at the entries I have posted, all were nothing but masks for me to hide this hideous face. All but excuses, it was always them at fault and not me, it was always me on top and not democracy, it was all me, me, and me.
Im disgusted, I do feel disgraced by my own acts and words that pierced through the hearts of the ones I love so much.
Remorse, slowing creeping onto me, I broke down into a pool of tears.
Thinking of how ungrateful I have been, how angry I was, how insensitive, how bitchy, how rude, how arrogant, how I have evolved into the monster sitting here.
I have let so many people down, disppointed a dozen more, lost so many many more.
I dont want to hear anymore of acceptance and compromising from others, because its time I change.
Certainly, there must have been a few good things that have happened to me in 2007, without a doubt, I do recall.
As the world celebrates with parties and dancing, I sit here, facing the empty screen that seeem to reflect on how empty and shallow I am inside.
I solemnly pray that this new year will be a better year.
Learn to love,
Learn to speak,
Learn to think,
Learn to work.
As the quotes goes,
"God has given us two ears, but one tongue,
to show that we should be swift to hear, but slow to speak.
God has set a double fence before the tongue, the teeth and the lips,
to teach us to be wary that we offend not with our tongue."
-Watson, Thomas
Goodbye 2007, Welcome 2008, hopefully..
10:19 AM
I love vintage & rouge-.
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