Friday, March 09, 2007
hello world,
i've told myself many many times, that its not worth being emo, but im emo again today ):
my internet connection is crazy and i really wanna(need to) talk to ahlian and jason about stuff but i cant; singnet, i curse you!
i went back to work ystd and all the people and things have change a here and there; shall not elaborate about it herei came home late after work cause we were celebrating Angelina's birthday and monster was super mad at me, and she told me to quit my job and i really really dont want to
i told monster im going for meeting later on and she told me not to get involved in such irrelevant things, whereas i should concentrate on studying, im so dissapointed i told monster i'll be a very sad girl if i were to quit my banquet job and find a DAY TIME job. i cant think of anything but office work or my old sales personnel job that i really hated, and she still insists.
i told monster i cant let TPSU go, because i love TPSUi found out some things and i dont think i like it, and i've been thinking about it alot.
okay, so thursday wasnt a very great day after all?
but im not here to let the world to knwo so they can
take pity on mei need to let it go or else i'll let it go on someone else, which i very much wouldnt like to.
monster, i dont know if its menopause thats taking over or im just not good enough
i've been trying my best to please her here and there, with my lousy grades or my achievements. but its either she dont understand how 'achieving' they are or she doesnt even care.
i've been trying to tell her everything about how i feel but she jsut doesnt seem to understand.
i wanna work in the hotel industry and working in a hotel
now is the best way to start off, thats how i feel. but she thinks its a waste of time and my saftey is at risk. i know it worries her to see me come home in the middle of the night or to see me looking so shagged. but somehow, it doesnt tires me out because im doing something i like, i love.
but she dont understand.
i've said before, my tp life started because of TPSU, and because of FOC, i made so many wonderful friends. FOC is where i've started and im not gonna stop there.
Its just like the House Committee and Badminton School Team thing that im involved in secondary school, but since then, she just didnt understand.It wasn't like i needed to think twice before getting involved in TPSU, its because i know i would like to and i
want to.
FO camps, meetings and Social Committee, i know i want to be involved.
i know its my fault i dont tell her things, but if she could just look as if she was listening, it wouldnt be so difficult telling her how i feel.
if i wanted to get bloody good grades and be like ms tiger, i wont even have gone to a tertiary school. i would have joined some junior college and study all day.
but i know that my niche area is not the studies department, it never was. and i know that socialising, camping and running events is what im born for.
im just very dissapointed that my pillars of support doesnt feel the way i feel. im jsut dissapointed that with so many people around doubting my capabilities, i have to go home to find more waiting for me.
and the worst thing is, they dont know how tough it is to carry on, and she jsut keeps on assuming that i quarrel with my friend, with my friend. but all i asked for is that they'll understand how i really feel
you know, sometimes, i really feel like an idiot, running away from people, hiding from them how i really feel. people being so sarcastic, yet i jsut keep my mouth shut. sometimes, i really dont know who are the ones i can really trust, cause they seem so contradicting.
sometimes, i feel like im standing alone and sometimes i really really i wanna give up what i have.
1:58 AM
I love vintage & rouge-.
30
