Monday, January 15, 2007
its a monday evening and i am stuck in the lab, doing work. because my comp cant access to internet, the cd drive cant read or burn cds, the thumbdrive is announed dead by the cybr centre guy and the desktop cant stop DC-ing. so yeah, i cant do shit, im screeweeedddd ): i can throw the bloody comp away soon.
as if monday blues aren't bad enough, i was pessimistic the whole day (or week or month), battling with myself, telling myself 'nah, they dont mean it this way' or i'll go, 'i can just kill this ass!'. i dont know why im like that today, or mayb everyday? but yeah, i guess i should just shut up and go on with the next hour of life.
shit, i think i cant survive another day without thinking about it, its like haunting me. the moment im alone, taking a break, blogging, talking, eating, walking to class, ah fughhedd.
and i dont know why i've been rejecting all the help that my darlings offer, like gayclan, they are constantly telling me that they'll be there and i know it. but i jsut dont want to. wierd, stubborn, whatever you say. but i think they're used to it, i'll go when i wanna go (:
marketing is done, presentation left to do, which is like done too? left with POM, the untouched leadership, fnb and econs. oh my god. im busy as a bee. i can jsut vomit blood on the day fo the presnetation if i dont take a break now. plus union stuff, not that im complaining, i really love my union stuff, but it seems like neverending togather with school.
seriously, im realllyyyy stressed, i cant rmb the numerous times i have to tell myself to relax, even when im sitting in the bus, i have this feeling that i need to clsoe up. and the times i woke up finding myself clinching my fists soo hard, the strain in my neck and those cramps i get when i contract my leg muscles soo hard? man, those happened in my sleep alright? i dont know whats wrong, im super stressed ): give me a break, Mr World.
okay, im even stressed up when im blogging, this isnt gonna work.oh man, i know i shouldnt be feeling this way, but i hate those phone calls they get, but i dont. i hate those smses they get, but i dont. i hate those times that im alone, but they dont. i hate that they'll hear thwir voice, but i dont. i hate that they get to go out, but i dont. i hate that they'll do more than celebrate mel's bday, but i dont. im not jealous or anything, look, im jsut a girl. i hate the feeling when i walked dwn orchard road, i hate it when its one o'clock, i hate it when i check my inbox, i hate it when i check my mail, i hate myself for being what i am now, i hate myself for getting into this.
oh yeah, valentine's day. vday'05 was memorrable, lotsa presents from the girls at school. plus that globe
she gave, the first time i felt so happy on vday. but, i
didnt let her know, she will enver know. oh well, we were
never meant to be together. IJ memories, stay with me for a lifetime (:this year, i think i'll just stay home and make love to my couch and popcorn la. or probably celebrate it with mel since its her bday -.- whoops, i just told the whole world mel. (:
im destined to be a lonely sparrow;
3:13 AM
I love vintage & rouge-.
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